These are my notes on Nadia van der Vlies’s No-nonsense Leadership.

It contains quite practical advice, but it is not software/engineering specific.

Keeps the trend on other leadership books: Empower people by letting them find their own solutions.

Key Insights

Mature leadership:
- High empathy, High honesty.
- Treat others as equals.
- Everybody can self-manage.
- Empower people to come up with solutions.
- Bidirectional trust.
New behaviours are acquired by doing, doing and doing.
To keep control, take ownership:

Take ownership

Keep sharing the mission, vision and strategy.
You are no longer one of your (ex-)co-workers.
Performance reviews:
- Negative reviews should never come as a surprise.
- Make notes through the year.
- Would I hire this employee if they were applying for their current position?
Give compliments regularly:
- Stimulate culture where people speak positively about others.
- Be specific.
If you want your employees to feel safe, you have to show some vulnerability.
Coaching:
- Coaching means biting your tongue a lot.
- A success is an attempt to change behaviour, even if the attempt failed.
- Coachee is responsible for his personal development.
To reflect is to learn.
If you work hard, other wont have to.
Respectful confrontation.
Delivering bad news.

Chapter 1 - No-Nonsense Leadership

Mature model based on Transactional Analysis.
Mature:
- Treat others as equals.
- Everybody is a responsible human being.
- Everybody can self-manage.
- Coaching leadership style.
- Empower people to come up with solutions.
- Honest.
- Conscious and considerate choice.
- Bidirectional trust.
You need:
- Empathy.
- Honesty.
Pitfalls:
- Mother:
  - High empathy. Low Honesty.
  - Always eager to help.
  - Effects:
    - Takes away responsibility, hence opportunity to grow.
    - Leader become overworked.
- Macho:
  - Low empathy. High Honesty.
  - I know better attitude. Judgemental.
  - Effects:
    - Obedient or rebel employees.
    - Takes away responsibility, hence opportunity to grow.
- Mole:
  - Low empathy. Low Honesty.
  - Avoids confronting issues.
  - Effects:
    - Nothing is improved.
Pitfalls are not pitfalls if you consciously chose them and don’t use them often.

Chapter 2 - Leadership Skills

Situational leadership:
- Use a different kind of leadership depending on employee task maturity.
- Task Maturity:
  - Willingness to do the task.
  - Ability to perform it.
  - Levels M1 to M6:
    - M1: Loads of detailed instructions.
    - M2: Still lots of instructions, but also explain the why.
    - M3: Focus on person, not task.
  - How to asses task maturity? Ask employee.

Situational leadership. Task Maturity

Taking ownership:
- Keep your values in mind.
- When things do not go as expected, to keep control you have to:

Take ownership

Conversations:
- Keep three perspectives: yours, the others, that of an objective observer.
- Active listening:
  - Listen.
  - Recap:
    - Use your own words unless is a delicate matter.
    - Content and feelings.
  - Keep asking questions.
  - Tolerate silences.
- Stay in control:
  - Commit: set the goal.
  - Monitor: check if the talking is relevant.
  - Off topic: draw attention and ask if it is relevant.
  - Difficult interaction: draw attention and ask why.
  - Two tracks: commit again.

Chapter 3 - Leader, Manager, Coach

You are no longer one of your (ex-)co-workers.
Leader before Manager or Coach.

Chapter 4 - Leader

Enthusiastic, authentic.
Keep sharing the mission, vision and strategy.
Know and learn company values.
Motivate and inspire:
- Share conclusions and reasoning.
- Show appreciation.
- Repeat yourself.
- Connect.

Chapter 5 - Manager

Translates Vision to Goals:
- Employee translates goals to solutions.
- Let employees have a say on their goals to create greater commitment.
Monitor and review results and behaviours:
- Respectful confrontation:
  - Step 0: reflect if it is you or the employee.
  - Step 1: Expose facts and only facts.
    - Use first person.
    - No judgement.
    - Be very specific.
  - Step 2: The effect it causes.
    - I think + I feel + I act.
  - Step 3: Ask “Is this something you recognize?”
  - Step 4: Explain your request/desire.
  - This is the kick-off for a conversation.
  - Dealing with responses:
    - Reflect on feeling.
    - Explain.
    - Guess underlying need.
    - Express your need.
    - Make your request/proposal.
Asses and adjust:
- Performance review:
  - Your employee is never your equal.
  - Demotivating for others if poor performing coworkers get same pay raises.
  - Make notes through the year.
  - Would I hire this employee if they were applying for their current position?
  - SMART goals.
  - Start with the good things.
  - Negative reviews should never come as a surprise.
  - Ask for feedback on the assessment.
- Give compliments regularly:
  - Stimulate culture where people speak positively about others.
  - Honest.
  - Specific.
  - Do not delay it.
- Delivering bad news:
  1. Deliver the blow:
    - Go straight to the bad news.
    - Give one or two reasons.
  2. Manage the reaction:
    - Be understanding. Do not justify yourself.
    - Give space. Do not fill silences.
  3. Solution, explanation, follow up appointment:
    - Wait for the employee to be ready. When she starts asking “why” or “what now”
    - Reiterate reasons.
    - Maybe follow up with another meeting.

Chapter 6 - Coach

Coaching as a manager is more difficult as you already expect something from your employee.
Do not give tips or advice.
Coachee comes with their own problems and solutions.
Coachee is responsible for his personal development.
Accept what it is, without judging. Emphatic.
Pitfalls:
- Comparing and going one worse.
- Educating and giving advice.
- Playing down the problem.
- Interrogating.
- Psychoanalyzing.
- Join in and making it worse.
Walk ins with no clear question or need:
- Respectful interrogation.
- Emotion reflection.
- What do you want from me? What is your question?
- Commit: on condition, now, later, never.
Coaching without a coaching goal is pointless.
Marteen Kouwenhoven coaching matrix 4 doors:
1. Thought door: get the facts.
2. Emotions door: why is this a problem to be solved?
3. Needs door:
  - Positive opposite of emotions door.
  - Cannot be about others changing.
4. Actions door:
  - Coachee should find her own solutions.
Coaching means biting your tongue a lot.
Celebrate success:
- Start coaching session by talking about successes.
- A success is an attempt to change behaviour, even if the attempt failed.
Growth mindset:
- Learning about fixed vs growth can get you out of the fixed mindset.
If you want your employees to feel safe, you have to show some vulnerability.

Chapter 7 - Reflexes

Beliefs that get on your way to do what you have to do.
“Survival” strategies.

Chapter 8 - Tricky Situations

Passive employee, defiant employee, moaning employee, …
- Respectful confrontation
Top performing employee:
- Sincere and explicit compliments.
- Not everyone wants to develop further.
- Check regularly so they dont get bored.
Quarreling employees:
- Employee should state exactly what she expects from you. This makes her responsible for the solution.
- Employees should settle it themselves.
- Make sure employees responsibilities are well defined.

Bonus 1 - The truism of no-nonsense leadership

To reflect is to learn.
The answer to most questions is “lets talk about it”
If you have something to say, say it. If you have something to ask, ask it.
If you work hard, other wont have to.
New behaviours are acquired by doing, doing and doing.

Book notes: No-Nonsense Leadership